Dear Blorta

Dear Blorta,

On this, your Day of Wed

We excitedly welcome your new life-man Flerg

Into our happy family

We know you received much sadness

When your previous life-man

Was savagely attacked

By Little-Hands-Big-Teeth

And we wept alongside you

For many days and nights

Wondering why the Fire Gods

Take and take and take from us

Their Tiny Rock People

When Spoot was eaten

We told you that life would go on

But to speak with truth

We did not believe this to be so

Life is so short

Our eldest tribeswoman, Gerta

Is just thirty-seven

And she’s only made it this far

Because she refuses

To leave her cave

Also, no one has seen her

In many years

So it is very possible

She is dead

Most of us never make it to one Day of Wed

Let alone two

So as Little-Hands-Big-Teeth was picking clean

Every last bone of Spoot

We thought—

Well, Blorta’s definitely going to die alone

And we knew that because tribal law dictates

That any widow who does not remarry within a year of her life-man’s death

Must be left in the forest

And never spoken of again

And at that time there were no eligible men in our tribe

Except for Krorg and any sensible woman would go running into the forest gladly

Before she would marry him

But then came that happy day

When Flerg wandered into our camp

Carrying several dead Horn-Heads

And we saw you show him all your teeth

Something you hadn’t done

Since Spoot was gobbled up

That was when we thought

Maybe you would beat the odds

Now here we are

Two hours later

And you’re finally tying the knot

We’re glad we taught you how to tie a proper one

Since otherwise Flerg could have gotten away

Before we placed the ceremonial

Day of Wed shackles on him

And clasped him to you

Eternally

Listening to him howl curses at us in the distance

Reminds us of our own Day of Wed

When your father stumbled into camp

After being separated from his own tribe

And I tied him to the very same tree

Flerg is tied to now

Never let it be said that this family

Doesn’t believe in tradition

Blorta, we know you’ll want to compare Flerg to Spoot

But remember that you’ve been given a second chance

At happiness

When so many people

Are never even given a first

Spoot was a good man
And he would have wanted you

To have a good life

To laugh

And dance around the fire every night

Telling stories

And sharing meals

And avenging his death

By tracking down Little-Hands-Big-Teeth

So you can turn him into a coat

Or a rug for your new cave-dwelling

Do not be like Gerta, my Blorta

Gerta who stays in her cave-dwelling all day and night

And who probably died long ago

Without any of us

Even noticing

Do not be afraid to live

Or love

Or get eaten

When it is your time to go

The Fire Gods will sing you home

To their blazing chest

Where you will pay for all your sins

With labor and pain

Forever

At least, that’s what we think happens

We really have no proof at all

But it’s what we tell ourselves

Because the alternative would be

Peace and joy forever

And that just doesn’t seem likely

Considering how awful it would be

To have to wait until a giant reptile eats you

Before you get to know any real happiness

Hahahaha—oh life is full of wonder

Tonight, we will sit by the fire

And as we have always done

We will tell the story

Of your

Our Blorta

The girl with the strong hands

And the stronger heart

Who lost her love

And loved again

We will ask the Fire Gods

To give you a life with bravery

And only enough hardship

To remind you

Why we dance

When there is sun

And not rain

Life and not death

Gifts and not sacrifices

And we’ll fall asleep by the fire

Happy to have had

Even one of those days