Royalty in Exile

Your grandfather and I

Loved each other

Until the day

He made me a citizen

I was sitting in a little house

The one he bought for me

After the coup

Polishing the jewelry

I smuggled out of the country

When he asked me

If I would go to the store

And pick up some margarine

The question so puzzled me

That I repeated it back to myself

And this caused him to repeat it again

For what reason, I don’t know

And we kept on this way for almost a minute

Before I said to him—

‘We have people for that’

And he said—

‘Not anymore, we don’t’

And that was when I knew

Our marriage was over

Sometimes love goes away

Because you change

And sometimes love goes away

Because the things around you change

I was always a Queen

But your grandfather stopped being a King

And that was something

I couldn’t abide

Royalty in exile is still royalty

--Or so I thought

Your grandfather disagreed

He thought we should adjust

That we should adapt

And find ourselves

Within our new surroundings

That was how he put it

Find ourselves

As if I had ever lost myself

I had lost my country

My legacy

My crown

But I had not lost myself

He, on the other hand,

Seemed to be enjoying

This diminishment

This affront to everything we stood for

I think he enjoyed

Living in a little house

With one bedroom

And a fireplace so small

You can’t even roast a pig in it

He kept mentioning

The reality of our situation

As if reality is something

That needs acknowledgement

I used to scream at him—

‘I’m surrounded by reality

I have nothing left

But reality’

Then I would reach for something

To throw at him

Only to remember that we all the throwing plates behind

I’d fall to the floor thinking about the revolutionaries

Eating off my third-best china

Wondering what I’d done

To deserve my fate

I thought of spending my later years

In the lap of mediocrity

Inside a shack

My mother wouldn’t have used

As an outhouse

One Christmas, as the choirs sang

I packed my bags

Took your father under my arm

And hurried off

Into uncertainty

I didn’t know what the world was like

But I knew it was bigger

Than that little house

And that was good enough for me

I never saw your grandfather again

And as far as I know

He never tried to find me

Those who share a past

They can’t forget

Rarely get to enjoy

The present

He used to accuse me of wearing perfume we couldn’t afford

And I used to demand that he put on cologne

Before coming to bed

And so neither of us slept very well

And each blamed

The other for it

When I look back now

How do I feel

About all that?

Like a fool

Like a fool who fell in love

With being foolish

They’ve never made a palace

Or a crown

That could compare

With waking up next to someone

Who loves you no matter who you are

Or who you’re going to become

But how was I to know that?

The crown can sometimes

Cover your eyes

Even when you’re not wearing it

They don’t tell you that

They don’t tell you

A lot of things